Can anyone tell me what has happened to my bottom?Someone out there must know. Did the Bugalugs Bum Thief (Tim Winton) rip through the Beaumont district last night and have himself a bit of sport swapping the bottoms of the inhabitants of our small community whilst we all slept through blissfully unaware......until this morning?
Cruel joke, sir....and Queen Victoria is definitley not amused! As I prepared to slip into my undergarments this morning I caught a glimpse of my derriere in the mirror, and nearly toppled over in shock, catching the toe of my right foot in my Bonds cotton gusset.
Having hopped and staggered to the edge of the bed before nose diving onto the doona, I girded my loins, and by God they needed girding, and prepared to take a second look. Horror! That was not my bottom......surely? My bottom looks like the one in the picture. Well it did until this morning. This other person's bottom, now attached to the top of my legs, is not mine! It hangs a little lower than my original, and the tone, texture and bounce seem to have dropped too. I want my old bottom back, not this 'old' bottom. Who the hell has got it?
I'm giving you all a warning shot so whoever has it can come clean and return it to me in the next couple of days. I promise nothing more will be said. Otherwise you will all have to put up with me touching you all up in an attempt to discover who the thief is, and I won't be at all suprised if I find it on a man either. I know what you boys are like......
In the meantime I'd better concentrate on the top end of my body. I have just looked down to see I have spent the entire day wearing my cardie done up incorrectly having mismatched the buttons to the holes. What a plonker!
I feel as if I'm on a down hill slide.......
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