Saturday, June 4, 2011

Message from her Majesty

What a tardy old QVII I've been. Not a peep or a tweep of a blog for two months! Here I am, at left, with HRH Prince Thomas at the Royal Wedding banquet at Hill Plains for Wills and Kate. What a night!
I'm dressed from head to toe in red velvet darlings, and looking very regal.
The toaster was a wedding gift from the Emporer and Empress Bivonius of Beamont. Such a thoughtful pair, even though it doesn't work. I have had the servants take it up to the tip to dispose of it. The King and Queen Consort of Prussia brought Geraldine Brooks' latest novel 'Caleb's Crossing' which I have just devoured. (Not through the toaster, I was speaking metaphorically good people.)
Well, time and tide wait for no Queen or King for that matter do they Canute? So I must away to oversee the crop being put into the fields and check on the yeomen.
"Don't stop one now, One's having such a good time, One's having a ball....."


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Royal Wedding Invitation

Still not received your Royal Wedding Invitation? Not to worry. Here's some advice. Fabricate your own and celebrate the event in royal style.

Here's mine, from Queen Victoria II, commanding my husband HRH Prince Thomas, Duke of Mount Ney to invite our scaley mates to the wedding at Hill Plains Palace.

For one night only, April 29th 2011, why not elevate the status of your friends to Kings, Queens, Emperors and Empresses, Dukes and Duchesses and Counts and Countesses. I can assure you they will rise to the occasion. Delusions of grandeur are pouring out in the incoming RSVPs, complete with family crests (which some of them have quite obviously nicked from some bona fide royal). Envelopes, sealed with candle wax are droppng into the Hill Plains Palace mail box with comments about how they are all looking forward to parading the family jewels.

Prepare yourselves a banquet table groaning with all your best silver, crystal glassware and candelabra; grab a couple of good servanty types (might I suggest the children....they will charge hard to get good staff these days); create a menu fit for a king, pour forth the fruit of the vine and get the flat screen sorted.

Great thing about living Down Under is that we'll be partying all night. More on the guest list tomorrow.

Gin o'clock, darlings. Must fly.....

Queen Victoria II (Pretentious?.....Moi?)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Start ya bastard!

Just what we all need for those tricky little moments when the pull start, or any bloody start for that matter, won't work.

Who needs a man when you've got a can of Start Ya Bastard! Check it out now right here:

That's the handy hint for the day. Now it's top off time! I'm off to mow the lawn.......

Monday, March 21, 2011

Celebrating World Poetry Day


We’re the parents of the children who to Pony Club are true
And we stand by the objectives and the aims set, through and through.
We’re not in it for the trophies or the glory of the win
If we miss out on a ribbon, we can take it on the chin
We’re for participation and enjoyment of our sport
And we don’t encourage members who’re competitively fraught.
We’ve learnt to call “Well Done!” and “Jolly Good!” when we come last,
To shout “Hooray!” to those that win as they go flying past.

So imagine the excited buzz, when just last Sunday week
We took our children and their mounts to a club gymkhana treat.
I had my little William on his Thelwell pony, Tom,
And the other Mums and Dads had brought their tiny tots along.
There was Sheila with her daughter Kate, a sweety-pie aged five,
And sporty Sal had brought her John upon his pony Clive
Kylie had her Georgia on a darling little horse,
As we gathered for a lead rein race - a bunch of real good sports.

“I’m nervous, Mum,” a small voice cried as we lined up at the start
“It’s just for fun,” came the reply. “What’s important’s taking part.”
So why then did this mother pop some joggers on her feet
And cast her heavy boots aside as she got ready to compete?
“On your marks” the starter cried, “Ready! Steady!......Go!”
And we took off like jack rabbits with our little ones in tow.
“Hang on!” I screamed with gusto, to a rather startled Will
For like Banjo’s Geebung Polo Club, I was in there for the kill.

As I dragged the pony down the track I caught Kylie in my eye
Running like a madman with her daughter in full cry
“Run faster, Mum………run faster! Or we won’t win the race!”
She was hell bent on the trophy; you could see it on her face.
Kate was screaming “Slow down, Mum.” Her eyes were full of fear
As she clung on to her saddle, but her plea fell on deaf ears.
John and Sal were in the lead, the joggers did the trick
They reached the water bucket first; Sal yanked John off real quick

You had to get an apple then, from a bucket full of water
And Kylie didn’t hang around, she tore her little daughter
Clean off her nag and shouted out “Quick, bite that apple, love”
Then with one clean, swift, and expert move, she gave her head a shove
And immersed her conk completely ‘til she forced the apple down
And spiked it with her pearly whites, and jolly nearly drowned.
I tried the same technique with Will, although his face turned blue
And he swallowed so much water that he looked as if he’d spew.

Bubbles rose up from the depths of young Kate’s water pail
While her mother hollered “Bite it Kate!” But all to no avail.
And John didn’t take his helmet off, so no matter how he tried
He couldn’t spear his apple – his head wouldn’t fit inside.
You should have seen his mother as she ripped it off his scone
And realised that any chance of winning this was gone.
Will looked like a suckling pig, with wide and bulging eyes
As neck and neck with Kylie, we raced to claim first prize

As we tore towards the finish flags, I gave one final burst
And pulled the pony round real fast to see who had come first
‘Twas Kylie! Damn! I turned to see why Will had made no sound
And there he was flat on his back, face up, upon the ground.
I’d spun the pony round so fast when finishing the race
That Will had been ejected as he’d gained his second place
I picked him up, removed the apple, and said “Well that was fun!”
Just jump back on your pony, and we’ll do another, son!”

He didn’t seem excited at the prospect of another
Lead rein race accompanied by a half demented mother
And neither did the other two who’d clearly had enough
Of all the frenzied action of this character building stuff
And as Georgia clutched her trophy and smiled a toothless grin
We remembered that it doesn’t matter if you lose or win
We’re for participation and enjoyment of our sport
And we don’t encourage members who’re competitively fraught!

© Victoria Brown Hill Plains, Esperance